I’ll admit it. I’ve got a thing for the bad ones (both boys and girls).
It’s a psychological thing – and, I understand, very common. If Vogue runs an article on it, you know it’s a running trend. Thing is, I’m not talking about ‘bad’ in the sense that they’ll beat me, cheat, take drugs, belittle me, or wander around wearing leather pants and looking moody while playing guitars. I’m talking about ‘bad’ in the sense of ‘ridiculously, incurably, dramatically unreliable’.
We’ve all got that flake of a friend or ex – the one who leads a brilliant, exciting life, but never returns your calls, stands you up, goes missing for weeks on end, and is generally frustrating as all hell. They’re not malicious; at worst they’re just a bit narcissistic, at best totally incapable of getting themselves together. Still, the whole experience is aggravating.
Reason I bring this up? Well, there are two. One is that, at a party recently, I ran into two exes at once, and was struck by their similarities – charismatic, carelessly attractive, ridiculously confident, and disorganised beyond belief. One’s an artist, the other is in a band, and they’ve both lost their phones so many times I no longer have their numbers. They’re sweet, but can’t be tied down.
The second reason is a book I read recently, about men and women who develop abandonment issues after they date too many of these people. The more they’re let down, the more afraid they get, and so the more they cling – which is not what you do to a free spirit. So off their partners go into the sunset – whoosh!
The unusual consequence of this? The abandoned ones just want to date more of the same. In fact, they get MORE attracted. Imagine if the people you feel most drawn to – that electric, instantaneous physical chemistry – were undoubtedly the worst people for you. What a terrible position to be in.
Here’s the thing – the bad ones are all right in their place. We all need a little excitement when we’re young. Then, once we grow up and they go off on their merry, irresponsible way, we can really appreciate a partner who’s, well, capable of being tracked down without a GPS system and sniffer dogs.
Lady Friday xx