Lady Friday On How Many Men Fake Orgasms
2nd OF August 2012
The answer? One third. Yes, over 30%. And the reasons? Read on...
Men Who Fake Orgasms: Not A Myth
The truth is out. A recent survey shows that one third – 34%, to be exact – of men admit faking an orgasm at least once.
And it's not a small poll, either. It's the yearly AskMen survey, and it asked 49,000 men. That's not a sample size to be ignored.
So why is this so shocking? Because it busts a major myth – that women are the only ones who fake, and that men can comfortably come every time, effortlessly.
Women who fake are an old topic (for the record, nearly half the 1000 women surveyed by AskMen said they'd faked at least once, too.) RESCU advises against faking in bed, because it encourages bad habits, is poor communication and produces false satisfaction for the sake of ego-stroking.
But what about male orgasm faking? And why are so many people disbelieving when faced with the one-third who've faked?
The source of the myth is biological. It goes like this: women don't show any physical signs to prove that they've come, which means that they can fake effectively and nobody would know.
Men, however, have a physical sign which is pretty hard to fake–and that means it's out of the question.
This myth is wrong, for several reasons.
One is that some women do in fact ejaculate, so no physical hiding for them. And it is actually very hard to replicate the unconscious, purely physical reactions of orgasm with anybody who knows you intimately; the physical signs are internal, but they're there.
Another is that men can feign orgasm just as easily – particularly if condoms are involved, meaning that ejaculation is less obvious and can be concealed if it didn't quite work out the way you planned.
The last reason is due to a prevailing preconception about intimacy – that men require very little to be able to consummate, while women are more demanding. This is a massive over-generalisation, but it's leaked into our conceptions of the bedroom.
Men 'don't need much' to get them over the line, says this myth, for all sorts of reasons: higher libido, testosterone, neanderthal brains, you name it.
Rubbish. Rubbish from start to finish.
The problem with this myth is that it's quite damaging to men who need more than the bare minimum to be able to finish. If you're expected to do all the work to please your 'more demanding' partner, while they think they don't need to worry too much about pleasing you, you're going to lose out.
News flash: men need attention to orgasm, too.
But the ingrained thinking that it should be 'easy' for them means that if they turn out not to feel like it, to just not reach that goal, they can feel ashamed – thus the faking.
AskMen's study showed that men who fake largely did it so they wouldn't offend their partner. Other reasons? They were bored, they felt pressured to perform, they were tired – the same reasons as women.
Suspect your male partner's faking it? Don't get offended. Talk about it. Don't accuse, or belittle, or worry about their medical health – frame it as wanting to make sure they have the best experience possible.
It's important for both of you to understand that faking, while the easy way out, just does damage in the long run.
And if they admit it, work through it together. Just don't fall into the trap of assuming that, just because they're a man, they 'should' be hair-trigger. It's individual – and sexuality is complex in everybody.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday...
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