Relationships

Queer Eye for the Straight Girl

Rescu Team — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 13:13:25 GMT

Vinko Anthony and Andrea Zaza are the men behind Beau Brummell Introductions, Australia's first introduction service for gay men and they have shared with the RESCU ladies everything we should know about men and dating.

How to Successfully Raise Children in a Blended Family  and Keep Your Love Alive

Rescu Team — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 20:20:32 GMT

Combined families are de rigeur in tinsel town but not always with Brady Bunch results. What are the rules of engagement when it comes to dating with kids and what are some successful relationship strategies that we can use when starting over with children in tow? RESCU's Relationships expert, Kathryn Eisman has the solution.

The Psychology Of Lingerie And What’s New In Boudoir Style

Rescu Team — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 19:19:43 GMT

Founder and designer of Australian intimates boutique Honey Birdette and lingerie expert, Eloise Monaghan, reveals the meaning hidden in ladies’ lingerie and what we can expect in bedroom fashion trends.

Did you know that men's favorite lingerie color can tell us ladies a lot about their sexual attitude? Well next time you’re strutting it out in your favourite bra and panties, your man’s opinion on the colour of your lace and trim can reveal a lot about how he’s feeling…

Valentine's Day Relationship MythBusters

Rescu Team — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:14:31 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman, Love & Relationship Expert

We’ve all heard of the television show “Myth busters” where they use elements of the scientific method to test the validity of rumors and myths many people believe to be true. But what about love myths?

Sure we’ve all heard that you should never sleep with a guy on a first date, or that a great relationship means you can vent all your problems? But, how do we prove fact from fiction when it comes to matters of the heart?

I have searched high and low to bring you the BIGGEST Myths when it comes to love, sex and dating…and have BUSTED then for you. Ladies, feel the freedom!

Relationship Resolutions: How To Create Your Best Relationship In 2012

Rescu Team — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 3:03:37 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman - RESCU’s Relationship Expert

"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." – Bill Vaughan.

Over the next couple of weeks 40 to 50 percent of us will make New Year's resolutions. Many of us vow to finally loose those darn 5 kgs (most of us, I think). Some of us vow to quit smoking, to meet 'the one', to reduce spending, increase sobroiety (in a couple of weeks that is). Some of us vow to have the courage to follow our professional calling and start that business, to travel more, to internet shop less (you know who you are), and the big one...to spend more time with family. However, not nearly enough of us actually make the resolution to prioritize our marriage or relationship. And even fewer still actually sit down with the person we love (and a pen and paper, a glass of wine or a cup of coffee) and create shared goals for the year together. The exciting news for those couples who do, according to John Norcross, a psychology professor at the University of Scranton, is you are a whopping 10 times more likely to make the change compared to those who have similar goals, but didn't make a resolution. That's hope if ever i hear it! So if you want to beat the stats on divorce and be in the frighteningly small percentage of couples who would classify their relationship as "happy"...grab your partner, put on some relaxing music, pop open a bottle of champagne and toast to a year of love, communication, intimacy, great sex and adventure - by writing your "Relationship Resolutions" together.

Love Expert Kathryn Eisman Tells Us How To Split Our Time During The Festive Season

Rescu Team — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 14:14:27 GMT

Christmas and New Years is the time to catch up with friends and family. How do we ensure we get to see our loved ones and our partner's loved ones in just a short week? And how can we prevent fights over splitting our time during the festive season?

In less than two weeks time I touch down in the Land of Oz for what is my annual Sydney summer pilgrimage. The time of the year that I, like every Aussie, looks forward to all year long. Because no matter where in the world you may live, you know that during that magical week between Christmas and New Year, there’s no place like home.

It’s a wonderfully wicked week off work, filled with warm jasmine scented air, sundrenched rosé fuelled BBQ’s with friends, morning dips in the ocean, shopping the Sales (can I hear you say 50% off), pool parties, presents, oh and family time. …lots of family time.

There are family dinners and family brunches, family Yum Cha’s and family lunches and if you have a partner you can times that by two!

If you’re not careful, your dreams of enjoying the silly season together can fade sooner than your tan. You and your husband of boyfriend start accusing either others family of domination the calendar. Pretty soon your holiday spirit is replaced with squabbling over who ought to spend more time with whom in an seemingly impossible bid to keep everybody happy. Enough!

So how do we ensure that everyone gets their time in the sun? How do we guarantee that both you and your partners family gets equal billing, while still manage to have a little time left for yourself? The key to success is planning!

Here is my 3 STEP FAIL PROOF Strategy:

Simplifying Separation: A Practical And Legal Guide To Family Law Is Now Available

Rescu Team — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 0:00:16 GMT

By Keeva Stratton

The separation of a marriage or a long-term relationship is always a difficult time, but when children, or significant assets, are involved, emotions can cause logic to dissipate – and the result is often some very expensive and entangled Family Court proceedings. To help simplify the legal side of your separation, Slater and Gordon’s head of Family Law, Ian Shann, has composed an important, yet straightforward guide, Know where you stand, to give you a basic understanding of this very complex, and emotionally charged, area of law.

How To Stay Blissfully Happy After You Say "I Do”

Super User — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:13:00 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman. RESCU’s Love and Dating Expert.

When a husband and wife stand before their family and friends and vow to “love and cherish” each other in “sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, till death do us part”, it’s hard to find a dry eye in the house. In that moment we all believe that their love will burn eternal, there is total love and utter faith. However with divorce rates close to 50%, we all now know that we need more than love and faith to maintain a happy, loving successful marriage…and not end in divorce court.

So what are the secret ingredients to “happily forever after?” beyond simply vowing to love that person. Relationship expert David Sunshine studied the subject for years and has come to these simple but life altering 10 points.

1. Don’t “Flirt” with Disaster. It’s important to have both male and female friendships, but always ensure that those close relationships don’t blur the line from platonic to intimate. After being with the same person for a while, it’s natural to seek attention and validation from the opposite sex, but be mindful of not flirting with them (or disaster). “If you do, in the back of your mind, you might begin to view them as alternatives in the event that your marriage doesn’t work out. This will weaken your resolve. After all, why work so hard when you have an escape route? Also, these types of close relationships are likely to make your spouse feel threatened,” explains David.

2. Pay Full Attention. One of the most common causes for relationship breakdown is poor communication, and not feeling “heard”. David suggests, “Listen to your spouse when he or she talks to you. It’s a sign of respect. Try to give him or her your undivided attention. Also, nod in agreement occasionally—it tells your partner you’re listening. If your spouse talks to you when you’re in the middle of something important, say so, and suggest a time when you’ll be able to pay full attention.”

3. Have Common “Fun Activities”. It’s easy for even the hottest marriage to cool off if all you do is come home from work and sit next to each other in front of the TV! Instead find activities that challenge and excite both of you and do it together. “Exercise together, take leisurely walks, or share a pursuit that’s mutually enjoyable. Such activities strengthen your relationship and make it easier for the two of you to endure the hard times that come in every marriage”.

4. Don’t Keep on Repeating the Same Mistakes. If touching a hot saucer burnt your hand you’d stop doing it, well apply that simply but powerful logic to your relationship. David explains “For example, if you find that you’re often tense when you’re very hungry, minimise your conversation with your spouse during those times. Similarly, if you see that your spouse gets worked up whenever you mention the name of a certain relative, don’t mention that person’s name unless absolutely necessary. Try to learn from the past.”

5. Be Polite. Just saying “please” and “thank you” and asking nicely for things can make all the difference between your partner feeling appreciated or feeling resentful.

6. Banish the Phrase: “I Told You So.” The need to always be “right” is at the heart of many bad marriages. People make mistakes, you will make mistakes, the last thing you need is someone reminding you of this! “What they don’t realise is that the message that comes across is, “Aren’t I smarter than you?” which is insulting. When you’re proven right after an argument, your spouse will realise this on his or her own. There is no need to point it out.”

7. Don’t Keep Score. Don’t walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries his or her share of the workload. Instead, take the view that it doesn’t matter if you end up doing more than half of what has to be done. Making sure your relationship stays fifty-fifty will put so much tension into your marriage that it’s not worth the effort. So unless your spouse is very lazy or a real responsibility shirker, don’t keep track of who does more.

8. Watch Out for the Little Things. A family court judge once commented that in 99 percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about very small matters. Here are some of the types of complaints he was referring to:

“She never lets me leave the window open at night.”
“He always wears that loud shirt that embarrasses me.”
“She never replaces the toilet roll when it’s finished.”
“He always leaves his socks on the floor.”

These small matters can be very detrimental to a relationship, so watch out for them.

There is, however, a silver lining to this cloud: Just as little things can ruin a relationship, they can also build one. A brief call to ask how your spouse’s day is going can make a big difference in his or her feelings toward you. Remembering your mate’s birthday with a little gift can mean a lot. Even just bringing your partner a chocolate bar or a novel you think he or she will enjoy can mean a great deal, because it shows you care. Women in particular often need small but frequent gestures of love.

9. Play the Puppy. It’s impossible to hate a dog that wags its tail and jumps up in excitement whenever you come home. What’s more it makes you look forward to coming home. I’m not suggesting you get on all fours, but I am saying that we have a lot to learn from dogs…namely, that a warm greeting creates warm feelings in the person being greeted! “Smile at your mate when you greet him or her. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and loved. Even if you’re in a bad mood, be sure to flash that grin. It’s a small investment that can go a long way.”

10. Respect Your Spouse’s Privacy. Sometimes it’s tempting to do a little snooping around, even if it’s just to “clean things up”. But it’s a mistake. “Don’t go through your partner’s things. Privacy is a fundamental need all humans have, so be sure to respect it. Similarly, make it a habit not to repeat your spouse’s words to others. You never know what your mate wants kept secret.”

And there you have it 10 steps to “Happily Ever After!”

Image Credit: E Online

More Relationship Advice:

1. What To Do When Work Interferes With Your Love Life
2. How To Move On With Your Relationship When Your Partner Cheats
3. Learn From Jennifer Lopez And Marc Anthony: How To Get Over A Breakup

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RESCU Founder and Editor Bahar Etminan Shares Her Relationship Advice On Mornings With Kerri-Anne Kenneally

Super User — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:13:00 GMT

RESCU's Founder and Editor Bahar Etminan joined Aussie personality Catriona Rowntree, Deborah Thomas from ACP, psychologist Ian Wallace and journalist Paula Joye on Mornings With Kerri-Anne to discuss dating, relationships, IVF, 'erotic capital' and more! Watch the videos below to see what the experts had to say.

For more relationship advice…

1. Find Out How To Get Over Heartbreak And Attract True Love With Astrologist And Author Yasmin Boland
2. Host A Perfect Winter Party And Find Your Mr Right
3. How Food Can Get You In The Mood

Expert Advice to RESCU your life: Style; Beauty; Wealth; Health; Love; Culture and great competitions.

What To Do When Work Interferes With Your Love Life

Super User — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 14:14:00 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman. RESCU’s Love and Dating Expert.

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise seem to be always travelling and spending time apart yet, despite endless reports that they're breaking up, they've remained together and keep making time to see each other. How can we keep our relationship together and happy when work keeps wanting to split us up?

There are many reasons we fall in love with someone, their sense of humor, the way they smell (don’t laugh, you know who you are!), the way they make you feel when they look up at you over the dinner table and often their drive to succeed in whatever field they have chosen. From geologist to garbologist, teacher to preacher, a man or woman who is passionate about what they do is a serious turn on.

Of course, the flip side of being with a driven, ambitious person is that you are never fully alone with them. Their mind often drifts to their mistress or the other man, work. You could be in the middle of a romantic dinner for two and catch their eyes glaze over as they compose their “to do” list in their head. They could sit in their home office into the wee hours “just finishing a few things up” instead of drifting off to sleep snuggled beside you in bed. Being with an ambitious person can be a lonely road to walk. At times it might feel that the drive for professional success comes at a cost to personal happiness, but it needn’t be so.

I have studied some of the world’s most successful couples and noticed that there are a few keys to making it work, even when professional demands seem to make it impossible.

1. Set up ‘meetings’ with your partner: Set up ‘dates’ with your partner as if you would an important business meeting and be 100% present. You wouldn’t check your iPhone or blackberry 20 times in the middle of an important meeting, so don’t do it when you’re meeting with your partner. It’s rude.

2. Stay connected: If work is a big part of your life, be sure to share the key issues and goals with your partner so they can be involved in such an important part of your life. Instead of having two completely separate lives, work/play; make them feel involved by updating them regularly on all the main factors so they can feel involved.

3. Ask for their opinion: It’s easy to feel as though we ‘know it all’, especially if our partner is in an unrelated field. But shutting them out is a mistake. Ask them for their advice from time to time, not only is it a huge compliment but you’ll be surprised at how helpful a fresh set of eyes can be (especially from someone who knows you better than anyone).

4. Set shared goals: We’ve all been so caught up in “getting ahead” that we don’t stop and smell the roses. If you want someone to come on the journey with you make sure they get to enjoy some of the spoils of all that hard work too. Setting shared targets such as ‘taking a road trip down the coast’ if you meet your professional targets or buying that dream home if you can increase your business profit enrolls them into your dreams.

5. Build something together: It’s important to have your own personal goals and successes, but put your heads together and see if there are any shared career goals you could do, from starting a small business to having them help you with the books. If you’re going to see your colleagues more than your partner, why not make your partner your colleague?

6. Laugh: Above all other factors, laughter is the key to a successful relationship and getting through life’s ups and downs. Whether times are good or tough, knowing that someone loves you either way is the greatest success of all!

Image Credit: Zimbio

More Relationship Advice:

1. How To Move On With Your Relationship When Your Partner Cheats
2. Learn From Jennifer Lopez And Marc Anthony: How To Get Over A Breakup
3. How Fighting With Your Partner Can Help You Live Longer

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How To Move On With Your Relationship When Your Partner Cheats

Super User — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:14:00 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman. RESCU’s Love and Dating Expert.

Cheryl Cole and Ashley Cole are said to be getting back together. She says she has forgiven his infidelities. Rescu’s relationship expert Kathryn Eisman answers the question, is there a way back after a betrayal in a relationship?

The reason infidelity cuts so deeply is because it shatters our allusions of our partner, rocking the foundation on which our relationship is built and forcing us to examine the ideals which we had blissfully taken for granted, i.e. that he isn’t sleeping with the first tipsy blonde he meets at a bar!

So when a partner cheats no matter how grand the reconciliation, how sparkly the pink diamond “sorry” ring, I believe there is no going back. But, there is a way forward. Eventually.

Prior to his indiscretions, when Cheryl Cole was asked what she loved most about her football playing husband Ashley, you can bet she thought of his sense of humor, his good looks, his fame and money well before she even considered his fidelity. The luxury of taking fidelity for granted is the foundation upon which all of a partners other attributes can be celebrated. Once that foundation is destroyed, everything else comes crashing down like a house of cards.

As a writer, when I question something I tend to also examine it from a linguistic perspective; oddly there is no verb for fidelity, there is no “doing word” for something that implies the ‘not’ doing of something. In this case, “having sex again with his mates piled into the room” Or “managed to get going again and tried several positions” before "Eventually he finished and collapsed on to my chest. He was panting and clearly had a good time”, as charmingly described by one of his conquests.

In life, as in language, we rarely emphasise or reward the “not” doing of anything, and yet in a world filled with temptation and distractions it’s often in abstinence where merit lays, where champions are made.

We don’t congratulate surgeons for “not” killing their patient on the operating table, or athlete for “not” taking steroids before a race. We’re a society built on recognising what we do, not what we don’t do. We assume certain things come with the territory.

Intellectually we know that a percentage of married men cheat, but emotionally we don’t think that those husbands are married to us!

So when we discover that this core assumption has not been met, it undermines the foundation upon which the entire relationship is built. Killing the relationship in two ways;
1) The death of trust and peace of mind.
2) The death of your allusion of the man you loved.

Surprisingly, the latter is often the hardest to recover from because when a man cheats on you, he forever muddies the pure way you once saw him. Even if you forgive him, even if you can move on from the infidelity, even if it eventually makes your relationship stronger, he has deprived you of the greatest feeling in the world, loving someone with a pure heart.

However if you just can’t say good bye, here are my steps for moving forward:
Stop trying to ‘go back’, there is no ‘unknowing’ of things. The facts are the facts and accept that you will both have to live with them.

Before you have an honest discussion with him, have one with yourself. Do you want him back because you love him, or are you afraid of being on your own? Do you think he’s capable of staying faithful and giving you what you need? Will you be able to forgive him eventually or do you just want to punish him? How much do you really want to know? How many details can you really live with or without?

When you have cooled off, sit down and have a dialog with him. It’s normal to go from sadness to despair to denial to anger in a matter of minutes. Find out what you need to find out and hear what you need to hear.

Separate for a time. No matter how much you feel you cant live without him, I believe that time apart to allow both of you to cooly reflect on the situation is essential.

Set some rules for returning into the relationship if that is what you truly, truly want. Do you honestly believe he can meet your needs? If so set some ground rules and stick to them no matter what. At the end of the day you may not be able to respect him, but you’re responsible for whether or not you respect yourself.

Don’t expect it to be smooth sailing, you will want to punish him for days, weeks even years to come. This is normal but if you find yourself so consumed with resentment, ask yourself if rebuilding the relationship is something you are even capable of doing. It’s OK if it’s not.

If you truly believe that there is a future, discipline yourself and stop the retribution. If he is honestly changing his ways, constantly reminding him of his past sins will only hurt your relationship and you.

Don’t expect a miracle. Trust takes one person seconds to break but two people years to rebuild, but it can be done if both partners are ready to do it together.

Image Credit: Zimbio

More Relationship Advice:

1. Learn From Jennifer Lopez And Marc Anthony: How To Get Over A Breakup
2. How Fighting With Your Partner Can Help You Live Longer
3. Male Depression: Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Explains How You Can Help Your Man

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Learn From Jennifer Lopez And Marc Anthony: How To Get Over A Breakup

Super User — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 14:14:00 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman. RESCU’s Love and Dating Expert.

Getting through a separation. Whether it's a divorce or you're separating after just a few weeks, breaking up is hard to do. How can we get through a break-up without hurting our ex or ourselves too much?

On August 11, 1962 a song written by Neil Sedaka reached No.1 on the US billboards and became a huge hit all over the globe, translated into over 20 languages. Over the last 50 years that same song has been rerecorded by no less than 31 recording artists, ranging from David Cassidy to Tom Jones, Gloria Estefan to Alvin and the Chipmunks. It will be little surprise that the song that universally literally hit a cord of truth with people irrespective of nationality, age or even generation is called “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”. Both you and I know why, because it bloody well is!

It doesn’t matter whether it’s your first love or your first husband, saying goodbye to the person you thought you’d spend forever with creates a hole so cavernous in one’s heart (and routine) that it feels you might just be swallowed up by it.

So how do you survive a break up? The key is to have some ground rules set beforehand, so that when your life feels like it’s falling apart you at least have some structure to cling to which will give you a small but crucial feeling of power over your circumstances.

Each person must make up their own ground rules to suit their particular circumstance, however these suggestions might help you devise some of your own:

1. If you feel a break or break up is necessary, set a specific amount of time where you will not be in contact with them in order to clear your mind and regroup. It could be a single night, a week or a month, with the option to extend. Having that clearly delineated time frame means you’ll have the space to actually reflect and heal rather than being distracted wondering, “will he call me today?” or “should I drop over to his house later tonight?”

2. Get a plan. If you live together, work out where you and your ex are going to live in the short run. If you have children set up a visitation schedule with the kids so they don't feel like they're losing a parent already.

3. Try to honestly assess where your relationship started to go wrong. Don’t lay blame; rather, using “I” statements express anything that you believe damaged the relationship. What can you learn from this to prevent future relationships from suffering the same fate?

4. Be honest with yourself. In some cases there is a basic incompatibility and it takes maturity to realise that some loves are not meant to last a lifetime and that it’s no body’s fault.

5. Practice your listening skills when you talk to your ex about your relationship. Withhold judgment, no matter what your problems are. Concentrate on finding solutions.

6. Surround yourself with supporting uplifting friends and family. This is no time to hang out with your bitter, thrice divorced Aunt Bernadette! Instead spend time with friends who offer hope about finding love and laughter.

7.Look after yourself. No, that doesn’t mean chain smoking or quitting food entirely! More than ever you’ll need your strength, which means maintain a balanced diet. Even if you’ve lost your appetite (which is very normal) still make sure you eat a little protein, veggies and carbs (which are great for seratonin which fights depression) to balance your hormones and blood sugar levels. And get a good night’s sleep; nothing magnifies a broken heart quite like exhaustion. Go for a long walk, the fresh air and cardio will help clear your mind and get some much needed endorphins going!

8. Write those lists:

- All the things you are grateful for in your life.

- All the things you’ve leant from this relationship and its break up.

- All the things you’re looking forward to in life.

9. If you are a mess and can’t stop thinking about your current tragedy, set a time limit on how long each day you’re allowed to wallow in your own misery. I know it sounds callus but it really does work. I remember being miserable after a break up and setting aside 30 minutes each day when I was allowed to be a total mess. While I was at work, just knowing that I had that time once I got home made me able to get through the day. Sometimes we need to cry, but we can’t let it ruin the rest of our lives. Schedule in “heart break time” so you can remain functional while still exorcizing those emotional demons.

10. Give your heart and your body a break. It’s tempting to fall in love with the next half decent guy that gives you a second look. However you often transfer your emotions (both good and bad), and when the rebound relationship crashes it makes the heart ache twice as devastating. The only person you should be falling in love with right now, is yourself. Take a little time to get reacquainted with wonderful little old you, sans dude.

10. Believe in love again and get back out there. Chose to believe that we have multiple soul mates. Smile, be kind, put yourself out there and love will come find you when you least expect it.

Image Credit: Zimbio

More Relationship Advice:

1. How Fighting With Your Partner Can Help You Live Longer
2. Male Depression: Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Explains How You Can Help Your Man
3. Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Investigates: When Women Lose Themselves

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Find Out How To Get Over A Bad Break Up And Attract True Love With Astrologist And Author Yasmin Boland

Super User — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 14:14:00 GMT

RESCU spoke to Yasmin Boland, journalist turned astrologer, New Age writer and author of Cosmic Love, about love, bad break ups and how to get your ex back. Yasmin gave us five great tips to get through heartbreak and told us why some men and women find it difficult to attract true love.

RESCU: Why do men and women have trouble attracting true love?
Yasmin Boland: It's nearly always to do with believing that we're not worthy, so either we attract no one or we attract someone who reinforces our belief that we don't deserve better and end up in toxic entanglements, and then think we're "unlucky in love"!

RESCU: Are there self-limiting acts and thoughts that contribute to our failure in finding love? What are they and where do they stem from?
Yasmin Boland: Up to 70 per cent of our thoughts are negative in nature. There are hundreds a day and any and all of them can limit our potential. To work out where they came from, work out what belief is behind the thought and when in your life that belief came into being - working that out can release it.

RESCU: What are 5 great tips for getting over a bad break up?
Yasmin Boland:
1. Go on holiday with friends or even by yourself.
2. Take down all the pictures etc of your ex that you have around to remind you of what you've loved and lost.
3. Un-friend him/her on Facebook, un-follow on Twitter etc.
4. Chant "Om Namo Narayani" which means, "I surrender to the Divine" and accept that what you are going through is for your best.
5. Read my book Cosmic Love and do the "Breaking with the past" exercise!

RESCU: What are your expert tips for finding a great partner?
Yasmin Boland:
1. Tell your friends you're open to love - constantly affirming how happy you are to be single means you will stay happy but single instead of becoming happy and attached.
2. Don't be afraid to try methods like online dating, blind dates and speed dating, even if all they do is keep you in practice!
3. Give up on a bad relationship early on if you sense it's going down that fast road to heart ache - learning to do this is part of maturing emotionally! You don't have to be ruthless, but you can be smart.
4. Having said that, don't expect others to be perfect anymore than you are not perfect.
5. Don't be superficial - do you want love or a trophy?

RESCU: Can you help get an ex lover to come back? Is this good to do?
Yasmin Boland: A love who comes back because you do something manipulative like a spell is likely to cause you a lot more heartache.

RESCU: Why are some people chronically single when on the outside they look like a great catch?
Yasmin Boland: Possibly because they don't want all the meaningless flings, hook ups and break ups that are the alternative to long-term singledom between true loves.

Cosmic Love will be available in July from all good bookstores and online at

www.hayhouse.com.au

(RRP: $14.95)

To find out more about Yasmin Boland visit www.moonology.com

For more relationship advice…

1. Host A Perfect Winter Party And Find Your Mr Right
2. How Food Can Get You In The Mood
3. Date Night Deficit: A Recent Survey Reveals Aussies Are Reluctant To Invest In Romance

Expert Advice to RESCU your life: Style; Beauty; Wealth; Health; Love; Culture and great competitions.

Host A Perfect Winter Party And Find Your Mr Right

Super User — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 14:14:00 GMT

Get mingling inside when it’s cold outside: We’ve got a simple plan that includes drink recipes, décor tips, and more.

By Celeste Perron

‘Tis the season when people bundle up, stay home, and devour movies… That’s exactly why it’s also the perfect time to throw a party. People usually don’t have as much going on during winter, so you’re guaranteed an enthusiastic turnout. Plus if you’re single, playing host is a great opportunity to connect with potential love interests. Here’s how to pull off a gathering with maximum style and minimum stress—and flirt your way into snagging a few phone numbers!

Shake up your guest list
In addition to your usual amigos, you’ll want to lure some intriguing new people into your festivities. Start by asking every member of your inner circle to bring along an unattached friend or two so that you (and all the other singles in attendance) will have some new options to scope out. Then extend invites to any casual acquaintances you’ve been hoping to get to know better, whether that’s someone from work, your spinning class, or even that hottie you bump into every morning at your local coffee shop. Don’t be shy—everyone loves to receive a party invite. To up the odds that the objects of your affection will attend, send them a quick, casual follow-up e-mail saying “Hey, hope you can stop by on Saturday!” This conveys you’re actually hoping to see them, and didn’t just blast an invite to every single person you’ve ever met.

Keep your bar basic…
Of course, it’s crucial to keep those social lubricants flowing, but you don’t want to spend all night filling glasses and/or rattling a martini shaker. Instead, set up a self-service bar (either on your kitchen table or by throwing a tablecloth over a side table in your living room), and keep it simple by only serving two or three kinds of alcohol – say, wine, beer and vodka along with mixers (coke, lemonade and juice), ice and glasses. If you don’t have a proper ice bucket, don’t worry—a big bowl and a serving spoon or two can actually work better.

…But add pizzazz with one signature cocktail
Jazz things up with a specialty drink, which you can make in advance and serve in pitchers. Everybody loves a white Cosmopolitan, which taste just like the pink ones but their translucent colour won’t turn off the men or stain your rug. Here’s how: Mix together 40 oz white cranberry juice, 16 oz citrus-flavoured vodka, 4 oz fresh lime juice and 2 oz orange liqueur (like Cointreau, Grand Mariner or Triple Sec). If you don’t have liqueur, you can substitute 4 tsp superfine sugar. Guests can either pour it over ice or shake it with ice in a cocktail shaker and strain. Garnish with a slice of lime. Makes 12 drinks.

Offer food that’s easy to make
As with the drinks, you want to give your guests plenty to eat without slaving away in the kitchen and missing the fun. So keep it simple by limiting your edible offerings to things that can be served cold or at room temperature (if you have to fire up the oven or stove during the party, you risk breaking into a sweat, which would sap your party mojo). A cheese board, selection of crudités, and roasted, salted mixed nuts are all crowd-pleasing eats you can prepare in advance.

The secret to assembling a simple spread that feels sophisticated? Pay attention to appetiser aesthetics. A cheese board will look most appealing if you use a mix of colours and textures (say, an aged cheddar, crumbly blue-veined cheese and creamy, buttery brie, with bunches of red grapes scattered between them). Crudités are more elegant if you limit the varieties of veggies and ramp up the colour varieties—try parboiled asparagus spears and diced radishes, along with fresh, crunchy carrot sticks and celery, which are always a favourite. If you’re short on pretty plates and bowls to serve your appetisers on, check out Country Road’s gorgeous homewares at www.countryroad.com.au.

Don’t go crazy with decorating
All you really need to do to get your place party-ready is clean it up, dim the lights, and scatter some votive candles around for ambience—your guests are coming to check out each other, not your décor. If you feel the need to add something extra, place a simple flower arrangement on the bar. Use flowers that are monochromatic and appropriate to the season, such as a bunch of white roses or deep crimson dahlias, or, as an alternative to flowers, fill a vase with tall boughs of eucalyptus or sage, both of which give off a wintry aroma.

Pick a party-perfect soundtrack
To set the right vibe, background tunes should be funky but not distracting—the point of an at-home gathering is to mingle and flirt, not shout over pounding house music. Try Brazilian and Cuban tunes (such as Bebel Gilberto Remixed, a new CD of songs by the sultry Brazilian chanteuse that have been reworked by electronica producers) and “sexy, lounge-y Euro” music like Thievery Corporation’s Outernational Sound, St. Germain’s Tourist and the latest compilation CDs from Paris hot spots Buddha Bar and Hotel Costes.

Cut down on interruptions
To free up even more time for socialising, try to make your guests as self-sufficient as possible. Buy an extra wine opener and keep one near the fridge, so you or your guests can open bottles of white. And put everything that doesn’t need to be chilled out on the bar table from the very beginning, so you don’t need to fetch more mixers from the kitchen as they run out.

Advance your personal agenda
The great thing about playing host is that you have the perfect excuse to act extra-friendly. So once you’ve homed in on your target, make sure his or her glass is full at all times. Also be sure to let the object of your interest know that you’re not just being polite. Make direct eye contact and say, “I’m so happy you were able to make it tonight so we could get to know each other better” or, even more directly, “We should get together again soon to finish our conversation, in a place with less distractions.”

Send a flirty follow-up afterwards
If that guest you’re interested in is the bashful sort, all is not lost even after the party is over. If they don’t reach out to you first, send them a “thank you for coming to my party” e-mail to get things started and let things unfold from there. If all goes well, the fact that you’ve pulled off such a fun affair should act as a bit of an aphrodisiac…

Don't give up!
If things don’t go so well with that special guest don’t worry! You can always hold another perfect party and ask your guests to bring new friends you’ve never met, or you can always search for other avenues to meet people. Online dating is great way to find that perfect someone and gives you the chance to meet new people along the way! Sites such as match.com give you the opportunity to find someone that you can hit it off with, and who knows, perhaps the next perfect winter party you hold will be a wedding!

For more information, visit www.match.com.

For more relationship advice…

1. How Food Can Get You In The Mood
2. Date Night Deficit: A Recent Survey Reveals Aussies Are Reluctant To Invest In Romance
3. Love Advice: The Science Of Attraction

Expert Advice to RESCU your life: Style; Beauty; Wealth; Health; Love; Culture and great competitions.

How Food Can Get You In The Mood: The Best Dinners For Sizzling Hot Dates

Super User — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 14:14:00 GMT

By Keeva Stratton

The best romantic dinners are satisfying, instead of stuffing, and easily shared. RESCU has 5 divine dinner suggestions to bring the romance back to your next culinary rendezvous.

Intimate Moments with Modern Japanese

Dimmed lighting, intimate-yet-quirky-spaces and shared booths, combined with small, shareable portions, make modern Japanese a treat for all the senses. Recommended dishes include: sashimi to share; sizzling teppanyaki; soft-shell crab.

A Classically Decadent Date with Classic French

White linen, perfectly matched wine, rich sauces and delectable desserts—the French have long known how to enjoy life’s splendours. And what could be more romantic than a slowly served and savoured French meal? Recommended dishes include: goats cheese soufflé (a better entrée than onion soup for a date!); plat pour deux of seafood or beef; a cheese platter.

Adding Spice with Asian Fusion

Fresh and fragrant, with exotic spices and excitement in the air—Asian fusion can be a fun and flirty way to dine. Recommended dishes include: fresh spring rolls for dipping, sharing and perhaps even hand feeding; delicate dumplings; sizzling prawns.

Reviving Romance with a Middle-Eastern Muse

The colours, the aromas, the music and the people make middle-eastern dining especially special. Your spirits cannot help but be lifted by the vibrancy that accompanies this eclectic cuisine. Recommended dishes include: a tagine for two; mezze plate; dessert platter.

Taking time with a Degustation

A degustation, typically of around 8 to 12 tasting dishes from entrée to dessert, is a slow and seductive way to share time together. Paired with wine, it can be the perfect way to really slow down, loosen up, and appreciate each other once more. Degustation menus can be offered for various cuisines, and are popular with fine-dining restaurants.

For more relationship advice…

1. Date Night Deficit: A Recent Survey Reveals Aussies Are Reluctant To Invest In Romance
2. Love Advice: The Science Of Attraction
3. The Perfect Match

Expert Advice to RESCU your life: Style; Beauty; Wealth; Health; Love; Culture and great competitions.

Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Tells Us How Fighting With Your Partner Can Help You Live Longer

Super User — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 14:14:00 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman. RESCU’s Love and Dating Expert.

New research has come out in the UK that couples who argue (and make up) have a stronger relationship and live longer. So what are some ways to fight fair and how do you know when it's good fighting rather than destructive?

When couples recite their vows on their wedding day, they might want to consider adding the following line, “I promise to fight fair and to listen to your moaning or at least not walk away”. Romantic? Not so much. Might it dramatically improve their chances of keeping the “till death do us part” stuff? You bet ya!

Couples fight. Fact. There’s a reason they call it a ‘lover’s quarrel’. A recent study of 3,000 couples showed that couples average out 7 arguments a day, that’s a whopping 2,555 tiffs a year, with Thursday evenings at around 8 p.m being the prime time match.

That’s a whole lot of making war, instead of love. If the studies are correct, and bickering is a normal part of everyday life within a relationship, it makes sense to learn how to argue smart. And by smart I don’t mean winning the battle and losing your partner.

You don’t have to be a genius to know that couples who yell at each other and call each other names aren’t exactly cooking up a recipe for happily ever after. But you might be surprised to know that the single most destructive form of arguing (AKA: the fights that lead to divorce) have less to do with screaming and more to do with shutting down and walking away.

A new University of Michigan study shows the single most toxic argument style is withdrawing from the discussion as it’s viewed by the partner as showing a lack of emotional investment in the relationship. This conflict style is especially toxic when their partner is dealing with conflict constructively, by talking about the problem and trying to hear their partner’s point of view.

"This pattern seems to have a damaging effect on the longevity of marriage," said U-M researcher Kira Birditt, first author of a study on marital conflict behaviours and implications for divorce published in the current issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family (October 2010). "Spouses who deal with conflicts constructively may view their partners' habit of withdrawing as a lack of investment in the relationship rather than an attempt to cool down."

Research has shown that when both partners attempt to deal with conflict constructively, their reward is a considerably lower divorce rate.

The data comes from the Early Years of Marriage Study, one of the largest and longest research projects that looks at patterns of marital conflict, with 373 couples interviewed four times over a 16-year period, starting from the first year of their marriages. The researchers looked at how both individual behaviours and patterns of behaviour between partners affected the likelihood of divorce.

Overall, husbands are reported as using more constructive behaviours and fewer destructive behaviours than wives. But over time, wives were less likely to use destructive strategies or withdraw, while the husbands' use of these behaviours stayed the same through the years.

"The problems that cause wives to withdraw or use destructive behaviours early in a marriage may be resolved over time," Birditt said. "Or, relationships and the quality of relationships may be more central to women's lives than they are to men. As a result, over the course of marriage, women may be more likely to recognise that withdrawing from conflict or using destructive strategies is neither effective nor beneficial to the overall well-being and stability of their marriages."

So what’s the secret to healthy conflict that ends up in the bedroom, instead of the divorce court? Listening. In a separate study couples listed “not listening” as the single biggest cause of arguments, it is also the factor that turns “normal” arguments into deeper resentments.

At the end of the day, most of us don’t need to be ‘right’, we just need to be heard. A trick to ensure your partner feels heard is to restate what they’ve just said in your own words, and begin your counter argument by saying “I understand where you’re coming from, but the reason I’m upset is because I see it like this...”

If you simply can’t see eye to eye don’t be afraid to say, “I’m sorry if I upset you, it wasn’t my intention I’ll take what you said on board”. Is that really any harder than going through a nasty divorce? I didn’t think so.

Lovers’ Quarrels – the ten top causes of fighting among couples:

1. Not listening - 112 rows a year

2. Overspending - 109

3. Money - 108

4. Laziness - 105

5. One of you snoring - 102

6. Bills - 98

7. What to eat for dinner - 92

8. Driving too fast - 91

9. Walking past things that need to go upstairs - 90

10. Dirty house - 90

More Relationship Advice:

1. Male Depression: Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Explains How You Can Help Your Man
2. Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Investigates: When Women Lose Themselves
3. The Single Girl Myth Busted

Get Expert Advice to RESCU your life: Style; Beauty; Wealth; Health; Love; Culture and great competitions.

Date Night Deficit: A Recent Survey Reveals Aussies Are Reluctant To Invest In Romance

Super User — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 14:14:00 GMT

By Keeva Stratton

A survey, conducted by popular group bargaining site Spreets, found that a surprisingly low number of Australians make a regular time for a date night—in fact a staggering 71% of respondents don't make a regular date night a feature in their romantic calendar.

RESCU spoke to Spreets co-founder, Dean McEvoy, to try and find out why we are failing to invest regularly in romance, and how the internet and group-buying websites can help couples keep it affordable and interesting.

RESCU: What did you find most surprising about the survey results?
Dean McEvoy: It was surprising to find out how few people actually make the time to regularly go out with their significant other.

RESCU: Do you think Australians lack romance?
Dean McEvoy: I don’t think Australians lack romance per se, but I do think we are becoming less romantic as we dedicate more of our time to other commitments, such as work. I think everyone wants to be romantic—we all certainly have the desire—but to actually act on that desire takes a lot of effort and people often neglect it because of that, and because people think it’s costly.

RESCU: What do you think are the key ingredients for a successful date night?
Dean McEvoy: I think variety is a key factor. Do something different that neither of you have done before. Spice it up a little, it will be an adventure you look forward to every week! No one wants to go to the same Thai restaurant around the corner and order the same dish every Wednesday night.

RESCU: Do you think the cost of eating out or going out prevents couples from committing to a regular night?
Dean McEvoy: I think it definitely deters people and makes them reluctant. People usually don’t mind paying for a great experience at a renowned restaurant, but trying a new, unknown place is always risky.

RESCU: How can deals on group buying websites help couples to keep it interesting?
Dean McEvoy: By offering the variety that many couples crave. The idea is for couples to set a regular time each week or fortnight, and commit to trying out a new restaurant or experience. My girlfriend and I have gone on a helicopter ride, had a couples massage at an amazing five star hotel, rented a Ferrari and Lamborghini up in Surfers Paradise for a day. It’s the rock star lifestyle at 50-90% off!

RESCU: What are the three most popular deals for couples?
Dean McEvoy: Restaurant deals are the most popular – Spreets is the only group-buying site to offer deals on chef-hatted restaurants including Sydney’s Kobe Jones, Jordan’s and Omerta. Shows and events are also popular for couples. We recently offered a deal on tickets to the Good Vibrations music festival, which was very popular among young couples. Fame the musical and tickets to the Opera House concerts have also been popular.

For great group buying deals to help spice your next date night, visit:

http://spreets.com.au, http://www.allthedeals.com.au, our deals, or http://www.honeyandginger.com.au/

For more relationship advice…

1. Love Advice: The Science Of Attraction
2. The Perfect Match
3. Relationship Expert Speaks Up

Expert Advice to RESCU your life: Style; Beauty; Wealth; Health; Love; Culture and great competitions.

Male Depression: Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Explains How You Can Help Your Man

Super User — Mon, 16 May 2011 14:14:00 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman. RESCU’s Love and Dating Expert.

Robbie Williams and Owen Wilson have both suffered bouts of depression and it's an issue for many non-celeb men too. Your man might have the blues after a few bad days at work but how do you know when it's time to offer him more than a cuddle?

So you have finally found the guy that makes you smile more than he makes you cry. Perhaps it’s a new thing, or perhaps you’ve been married for years with a couple of mini-me’s running around the house. You remember that not so long ago things were great between the two of you, but suddenly the man you thought you knew is acting like another man all together. He’s distant or easy to anger. He’s rarely in ‘the mood’ or is constantly complaining about ‘how tired’ he is. What’s up? Well, my friends it could be the often unspoken of big “D”. Depression.

“But, how could he be depressed when he has me and the life we’ve worked to hard to build together?” I hear you think. Well depression can affect even those who seemingly ‘have it all’. Remember when the word got out that Owen Wilson attempted suicide back in 2007, the world was shocked. How could our lovable blonde haired comedian with a series of box office hits, his pick of women and millions of dollars in the bank be sad even for a moment, much less attempt to take his own life?

When you Google “celebrities and depression” numerous lists pop on screen, with names ranging from Jim Carrey to Billy Joel, Harrison ford to Pete Wentz. Indeed some of the worlds most successful, admired (and desired) men suffer from what Winston Churchill called, “the black dog”, himself referring to his frequent unwanted companion. However, for every high profile person who has spoken out about their struggles, there are tens of those who do not want the perceived stigma attached to the “D” word.

And in everyday circles, the statistics are much the same, with thousands of men too afraid to admit to themselves or the people who love and depend on them, that they aren’t doing so well and might need some help.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, around one in six Australian men suffer from depression at any given time. Alarmingly, four times more young men than young women commit suicide. In the US the stats are similarly alarming, with six million men being diagnosed with depression each year, and millions more not seeking the help they deserve. The CDC reports that men in the U.S. are about four times more likely than women to commit suicide. A staggering 75% to 80% of all people who commit suicide in the U.S. are men.

Sure everyone has tough days at work, or isolated stress regarding personal or financial issues. But when that stress and strain lingers and core behavior begins to alter, it’s time to make some positive changes.

Symptoms to look out for include: loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities, fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, apathy, withdrawal or isolation, insomnia, mood swings, restless anxiety, irritability, anger, decreased anger control, decreased productivity, increased smoking, or use of alcohol and drugs.

If this article is ringing alarms bells, perhaps its because you suspect your boyfriend or husband might be suffering in silence, or as Henry David Thoreau put it, “most men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

The thing about men and depression is, while the symptoms are the same as with women, they are often expressed differently. In women, depression may be more likely to cause feelings of sadness and worthlessness. Depression in men on the other hand, may be more likely to cause them to be irritable, aggressive, hostile or even substance abuse.

What’s more, since depression is often still incorrectly viewed as a “female problem”, sadly symptoms of clinical depression in men are not commonly recognised. In Australian culture, males are encouraged to be “strong” and keep their emotions to themselves. So while women can more freely discuss feelings of “sadness” or “being overwhelmed” with their girlfriends, men may only discuss the physical symptoms of depression, such as being ‘tired’ if at all. Without the emotional support network of close girlfriends, millions of men feel ashamed and alone in their sadness.

If you suspect the man you love is suffering from depression, what can you do?

First thing, gently and in a non-accusational manner, mention that you’ve noticed that they’ve had a lot of stress, rather than making it personal and about “him”, open the floor to discuss any issues that might be bothering him. Just having a loving set of ears to share the burdens with can make all the difference. If he seems unwilling to open up, Dr Michael Gillman, a men’s health Consultant at St Andrew’s War Memorial Hospital recommends men follow these suggestions:

• Find ways to relax. Time out from stressful situations will help recharge your batteries and alleviate further stress.

• Talk about what’s on your mind with your mates. If you can’t bring yourself to do this, keep a journal and write it down or get online and blog it to no one in particular;

• Find time to exercise even if it’s a short walk during your lunch break. You can always use some fresh air and a stretch to release feelings of depression, anger or frustration.

• Look on the bright side of life. Change your attitude and turn a negative into a positive. Make a joke and take the pressure off the things that are upsetting you.

• Cut down on coffee and alcoholic drinks. These artificial stimulants can make you feel more anxious and moody, raise your blood pressure and in the long-term cause disease and health complications.

• Drink more water than anything else. The body needs it to function properly, which will make you generally feel better.

• Try to get a good night’s sleep. Go to bed and rise at consistent times, and if you do have trouble sleeping, listening to relaxation music might help.

• If you feel like you cannot do any of these things or if nothing helps, you need to talk to your GP for advice. Help is always at hand and once you have reached out, you will wonder why it took you so long.

• A world of information is at hand on the Internet. Take a look at the links on the Beyond Blue website for starters. www.beyondblue.org.au and www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/public/depression/depressionexplained/index.cfm

Everyone has their down days, but depression is something that shouldn’t be ignored. The most important thing to do is something. Hoping that the man you love will magically come back is foolish. Depression, like most illnesses, can be treated and improved when caught by a woman’s watchful eye and loving heart.

For more relationship advice…

1. Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Investigates: When Women Lose Themselves
2. The Single Girl Myth Busted
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Love Advice: The Science Of Attraction

Super User — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 13:13:00 GMT

Many of us believe that falling in love is a simple case of two people meeting each other, falling in love and living happily ever after. Yet by now, we really should know that love is only that straightforward in Disney films. In Andrew Trees fascinating new book, Decoding Love, everything from the size of a mans testicles to prudish behaviour is analyzed and explained in detail, to explain the science behind finding love.

Page turning, thought provoking, and sparkling with wit; Decoding Love offers surprising new insights into the nature of attraction, as well as an intimate look at relationships.

RESCU chats with the author Andrew Trees about the new rules of romance in this modern world of dating...

RESCU: What are the key factors that attract a man to a woman?
Andrew Trees: The biggest factors are youth and fertility (which are indicated by various body metrics, such as waist to hip ratio).

RESCU: You claim that polygamy is actually in our DNA - tell us more about this theory?
Andrew Trees: Not in our DNA, but polygamy has been far more common throughout history than monogamy. The grand irony is that with polygamy, the spouse that most women end up with, will be better than the spouse that they would have had in a monogamous society.

RESCU: Why do men cheat?
Andrew Trees: Evolution has shaped them to want to spread their genes as widely as possible, so men crave sexual variety far more than women.

RESCU: Why do women cheat?
Andrew Trees: Subconsciously, they are trying to get better genes for their offspring.

RESCU: In this busy day and age, how can we make the most of each dating opportunity?
Andrew Trees: I think you have to approach dating with a positive, open attitude. If you think a date is going to be terrible, it will likely meet your expectations.

RESCU: Are there certain pitfalls for men to avoid? Women to avoid?
Andrew Trees: Too many to enumerate! But in general women need to assure men of their fidelity and loyalty, and men need to convince women of their sincerity and commitment.

RESCU: Your book claims that in general, women fall for status and wealth whilst men fall for beauty and fertility. How then do we navigate this if we are neither wealthy nor beautiful?
Andrew Trees: The most successful relationships are between well-matched partners, so you should look for someone who is roughly as attractive as you are.

RESCU: Tell us about the female orgasm - what is its purpose and is it necessary?
Andrew Trees: There is some evidence that it is a cryptic sexual selection device. In other words, a woman's orgasm may play a role in ensuring that sperm from a superior genetic mate has a better chance of impregnating her.

RESCU: Do shows like Sex and The City make things more difficult for women to find Mr. Right?
Andrew Trees: I do. It creates unrealistic expectations, as do most television shows.

RESCU: Do shows like Entourage re-enforce stereotypes and myths for men?
Andrew Trees: I think it does make the single life look very appealing for men -particularly if they are movie stars.

RESCU: What is the secret to a happy marriage?
Andrew Trees: A good sense of humor and learning to fight with grace and kindness.

RESCU: You talk about fragrances that attract the opposite sex. What are these and why aren't all beauty companies selling this message?
Andrew Trees: A spicy floral fragrance does appear to make women appear slimmer, but fragrance is very idiosyncratic and personal. Some women just don't like how that smells.

RESCU: Can you tell us more about the Waist-to-Hip ratio and symetricity with regards to attracting a mate?
Andrew Trees: Waist-to-hip ratio tells you a lot about a woman's fertility. Women with an hourglass figure (a ratio of .7) are invariably attractive to men because of this. Body symmetry is generally a sign of good genes and a healthy life, so both men and women have a strong preference for people with good symmetry.

Decoding Love is available at all major book-sellers and department stores. RRP $19.95.

For more relationship advice…

1. The Perfect Match
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Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Investigates: When Women Lose Themselves

Super User — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 13:13:00 GMT

By Kathryn Eisman. RESCU’s Love and Dating Expert.

Speaking up. You love him but he's a take-charge kind of guy and somehow along the way you've lost your voice in the relationship - perhaps even your sense of self. How can you get the relationship back to equal?

We’ve all seen our girlfriends go from fabulous to mute as soon as they enter into a relationship. If we’re honest, we might even admit that at some point we may have even been that woman.

It’s been said that it seems like some women took out their identity on a loan while waiting for Mr. Right and as soon as they meet him and enter into a relationship they return their identity to the bank.

The problem often begins when you stop concentrating on your own dreams and goals and start asking the following questions: What does he want? What is he feeling? Where is he going? Who is he with? What is he thinking? Does he want to be with me? Does he love me? Are we going to be together for the long haul?

Instead of “What do I want?” “What am I feeling?” “Where do I feel like going” “do I want to be with him” “Do I want us to even be together for the long haul?”

You know the drill. A little less “him, him, him” and a little more “me, me, me” until you’re comfortable being in a place where it can be about “us” (with a dash of him and me).

Certainly our need to please comes from a good place, a loving place, a nurturing place...but it rarely gets the results we desire. More often than not we end up either insulting the intellect of the very man we love or turning him into a needy child.

As relationship commentator Trudy-Ann Ewan explains, losing your voice is the beginning of a very slippery slope, down hill;

“If you are thinking like him and for him what does he have left to do? He will realise that you want the relationship so badly that you will try to work it out thus leaving him with nothing to do but just show up to please you”.

Instead one needs to enter into a relationship with a very fresh perspective. Being in a relationship is not about changing who you are to match the other person; rather it is about two mature individuals coming together to share their lives with each other.

The key is to maintain key aspects of your “pre-relationship” self. You should still have your friends with whom you can go out with for a ladies night out without the men every once in awhile. You should also have your alone time to reflect and meditate. Your boyfriend should also have his time with his friends and also his alone time. Of course there should be the utmost trust and respect between the two of you.

So what if you find your voice slip, slip, slipping away? Here are Aunty Kath's foolproof steps for getting your voice back:

1. Write a list of the things you enjoyed before you were a relationship, be it book clubs or dance classes (maybe omit random hook ups with strangers).
2. Set aside at least 1 night every fortnight to going out with your girlfriends, without the boys! Book in those spa days or ladies lunches to keep the sisterhood alive and well.
3. Ask yourself, “what do I enjoy doing?” It could be restaurants you like or activities you enjoy on the weekend. Make sure you get to share your passions as well as his.
4. Reconnect with yourself. Put aside just 5 minutes a day to spend with no.1...yep, you! It could be a relaxing shower or a quiet moment of deep breathing in an empty room in the house. In order to share who you are...you must first know who that is.

For more relationship advice…

1.The Single Girl Myth Busted
2.Kathryn Eisman Lays Down the Signs Of A Cheating Partner
3.How To Deal With Money Troubles In A Marriage

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Love Advice: The Science Of Attraction

RESCU chats with the author Andrew Trees about the new rules of romance in this modern world of dating...

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Expert Advice to RESCU your life: Style; Beauty; Wealth; Health; Love; Culture and great competitions.

Relationship Expert Kathryn Eisman Investigates: When Women Lose Themselves

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Expert Advice to RESCU your life: Style; Beauty; Wealth; Health; Love; Culture and great competitions.

How to Successfully Raise Children in a Blended Family  and Keep Your Love Alive